Macaroni Kid Reader Asks:
School starts again in two weeks for my six and eight-year-olds. It’s been such a relaxing summer that I’m dreading the change and the whining, moaning and crankiness that will come with earlier mornings and homework.
Back to school is around the corner for many parents and for others it may still be a month away. Whether it’s next week or next month, preparing early and effectively for a new routine will make the back to school transition a much calmer, easier and happier experience.
Identify the things you are worried about and write them down. What specifically will your kids be whining and moaning about? Once you’ve identified the concerns, you can plan ahead and prepare your child to successfully manage the change without resistance and complaints.
One thing I’m fond of saying is that whenever there is something bothering you, it often means that there is a rule that’s missing. Rules are not bad things. New routines begin as rules that we follow. When we’ve done them often enough, they become routines and then ultimately they become habits that we no longer even have to think about anymore.
If your children’s summer bedtimes have drifted an hour later than the school year bedtimes, a week before school begins you can start shifting their bedtimes by 15 minutes per night. Tell your kids a few days ahead that you will be doing this. If they whine, complain and ask you why and say, “But Dad, it’s still summer! Why can’t we just stay up late one more week? That’s not fair!”, here’s the best way to reply. First, do not become defensive by explaining and justifying. If you do, you will just be adding fuel to the fire and encouraging an argument. You can say, “Now that’s a great question. Why do you think Mom and I are making this new rule and shifting your bedtime this week?”
I encourage parents to respond this way as much as possible. It’s important that we, as parents, do not do our children’s thinking for them. And the interesting thing is that they almost always already know the answer. Just pause a second, tell them that you are glad they are thinking about that and then ask them to tell you why you are making this new rule. If they say “I don’t know” then you can simply say, “Take a guess, why do you think we are asking you to do this?”
Another way to reduce resistance to back to school changes is to just start talking about the new routines with your kids. Talk about where they will do their homework, when they’ll do it and how long it might take. Talk through what you’ll expect in the morning and make rules if necessary. Don’t wait until the night before school starts. Kids often feel like things are sprung upon them and when they do, they will react negatively. The more we let them know what’s ahead, the easier transitions will be.
In my seminars and skills CDs, I talk a lot about this important parenting skill of Preparing for Success. It’s the best way I know to reduce kids’ resistance to almost anything. The more you practice it, the calmer, easier and happier family life will become.
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