To say our kids are part of a different world is an understatement. They are comfortable with screens before they can talk. Like in this video where a baby knows how to manipulate an iPad, but not a magazine!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqF2gryy4Gs
What’s a parent to do? Change the WiFi password everyday and only give it them once homework and chores are done? Take away their devices? Or move off the grid and live off the land like Grizzly Adams? How about trying to teach them to be responsible and aware users of their screens?
The first step is to limit screen time. We’ve tried arbitrary limits like one hour a day or so, but those are really hard to enforce. What we have seen work is limited devices during certain times or activities. Dinner and meals in particular are good times to have a “no phones at the table rule”. Another good time is in the car. Especially for shorter trips. Kids knee-jerk reaction should not be to whip out their phone. They’ll survive the trip to the grocery store without it.
With both of these examples, you’ll need to be a role model and follow the rule as well. Driving is easy (or should be). You shouldn’t be on your phone texting or dialing anyway. And at the dinner table, you can suck it up for 30 minutes, it will pay off in the long run.
When my son was born nearly 16 years ago one of the best pieces of advice I ever received was “always look at him and smile when he enters the room you are in”. And this can translate to the screen age. When talking to your kids, put your device away, turn away from your computer and look them in the eye. This will have two lessons, the first is that they are important to you (good one!), the second being that when you talk to someone, it’s important to put the screen down.
Once you’ve modeled this behavior, be sure to correct your kids if they are not following it. Your daughter doesn’t look up from her phone when you tell her it’s time for dinner? Walk over, take her phone away gently, put it down, look her in the eye and repeat what you said. It will only take a few times before they learn to look at you.
When my son was in grade school he learned a few curse words. We didn’t ban those words, we simple taught him that he’d better know when it was acceptable to use them (sparingly!), and when it wasn’t. When he used one at school and got in trouble, we didn’t do much but let the punishment take its course. He knew better and learned the hard way. The same goes with screens. If school has a no phones rule, they better follow it.
And we also teach our kids what is OK to put in a text, and what isn’t. We’ve heard stories of how people end long-term relationships via text. Teach your kids this is not OK. It’s not how responsible people interact. Thoughts or questions like “Wanna get some ice cream?” are great for texting. Serious subjects like “our dog passed away” are not OK to put in a text.
And last, let them know that just because it’s on the internet (or their screen) does not make it true or safe. Our kids can only text or play games with kids they know IRL (In Real Life). We check their phones to be sure. And we have a rules, we pay for your phone, we can look at it any time we want. Safety first.
So as we digital immigrants struggle to raise digital natives, it does not have to be too stressful. In a way, simply follow the golden rule…do unto your device as you would have your children do unto theirs.
