The call came that I had never wanted to get. We had just taken a family trip across the country for a niece’s wedding when we got a call from the kennel where we had boarded our dogs for over a decade. The voice on the phone said “Minnie is laying on her side and she has blood coming from her mouth.” Minnie is our 13 1/2 year old pug and she was sharing the cage with her brother and womb mate, Zeus.
“I’m going to rush her to the emergency vet if that’s OK with you.” Cindy said. “yes, yes, please.” I replied. It was 9 PM on a Sunday night and we were just about to board the plane to come home. 8 hours later, we learned that the vet had done all he could but our sweet little girl didn’t make it.
Even though she was a geriatric dog, we weren’t prepared for her death. She was always the spunkier, healthier type A-Alpha of the 2. Zeus is the more laid back, follower of the two. They had only been apart for 2-3 days in their entire lives. My family loves our animals and they are an integral part of our lives. Just his past May, we lost our 5 year old cat to a strange cancer. A year ago we lost one of our older alpacas. We’re in a real stream here.
Here are photos of pets we've said goodbye to in the last 5 months and 2 just this week. Counterclockwise from left, Honey the alpaca (age 4 days), Minnie our pug (age 13 1/2) and Elliott our cat (age 5).
So now what? How do we all deal with the loss?
Be Honest: With kids especially, honesty is best. If you tell them that the pet was “put to sleep”, they may become fearful of sleeping themselves. It’s better to say that the animal’s body stopped working. Answer any questions honestly.
Obtain Closure: It’s important for everyone to say goodbye. Some vets will allow the child to be present if the pet is being euthanized depending on their age. Check with your vet. Even the other pets need to say goodbye. We learned with our alpacas that it’s important for them to see the deceased animal. We waited for them to pay their respects and once they were finished and moved away, we knew we could remove the animal.
We asked the vet in our dog’s case if we could bring her brother with us when we came to say goodbye. He said it was absolutely a good idea and wished more people did it. We got off the plane, gathered him from the kennel and let him see her and say goodbye. After a few licks and sniffs, he was finished.
Grieve: Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your pet. You may feel sad, angry, lose your appetite or have trouble sleeping. Your child may regress to thumb sucking or other habits. You may wish to share with your child’s teacher that your pet passed away just in case school work suffers a bit. The remaining pet also needs to mourn the loss of his friend. In our case, Zeus had never been without his sister and since she was the alpha dog and he was the follower, he was completely lost.
Comfort Each Other: Spend some extra time together. The remaining animal may show signs of depression. Zeus cried nonstop the first day. Then only when we weren’t in the room with him. This is where the whole family pitched in to help him feel better and keep him busy, which in turn took our mind off of our loss.
Stick to the Routine: Changing things up to try to comfort every one just emphasizes that there is a void and can cause stress for kids and the remaining pet. We always kept our dogs out of our bedrooms because they shed so much so in an effort to try to make Zeus feel better, we moved his cushion into our bedroom. That was a mistake. In the end, after hours of howling and whimpering, we moved him back to his regular spot and put a stuffed pug with a hot water bottle next to it on his cushion. That really helped. He eventually fell asleep and so could we!
Talk to Fellow Animal Lovers: Your pet is a part of the family and you can’t expect those who have never experienced that bond to relate. Share your feelings with those who can, especially those who knew your pet.
Remember Your Pet: We’ve always had some kind of ceremony…from lizards, to fish to cats and dogs. We have a small area where we bury pets and memorialize them with a marker. We’ve had our cat and Minnie cremated. For now the ashes are on our mantel. We also share funny stories and fond memories often!
Take Your Time: Every day will get easier, I know. I’ve been calling Zeus Minnie, and find myself stepping over and walking as though she is still sleeping in her favorite spot (right under my feet most days!). It’s probably not a good idea to run out an get another pet right away. It could give your child the impression that pets and people are replaceable.Take your time to get over the loss an you’ll know when the time is right to add a new furry member to the family!
*Thanks to Cindy Duray from Davidsville Pet Resort for always caring for our pets as though they were her own, to Dr. Assad from Johnstown Veterinary Associates for doing everything he could for our Minnie in her final hours and for Heidi from JVA for helping me compile these tips.
*Many thanks to Dr. Vena and the entire staff at Cambria Veterinary Care for always taking such great care of our animals on a routine basis.
*I can't forget Dr. Dan Zawisza our large animal vet from White Oak Veterinary Clinic for always being available to answer any questions or concerns I have!
*Pets After Life Services does an amazing job treating pets with respect after life is over. Thanks!
