Macaroni Kid Reader Asks:
I’d love some advice to help us get out of the house on time in the morning - I always feel like I am doing great with time, until the last 5 minutes - then the mad rush begins!!!
Noël Janis-Norton:
Lots of parents find that mornings are the hardest time of day, with the most rushing and repeating and reminding. If you have been living with this daily dose of morning stress for a long time, it may seem inevitable, and even normal. But mornings don’t have to be madness!
It’s a new year and the perfect time to add a few Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting strategies to your morning routine and transform mornings from rushed and stressed to calmer and easier.
We all think we can get more done in a given time period than we realistically can when we’ve got little ones who move at an entirely different tempo than we do! We need to build in enough time for our children to do the things they need to do without feeling hurried and nagged.
Here are four things I recommend that we not say to our children: “Come on, hurry up, let’s go, we’ll be late”. This always gets a big groan and a laugh in my seminars. We all say these things out of habit and without giving them much thought. But what actually happens when we say, “Hurry up, let’s go, we’ll be late?” Do our children move any faster? When I ask parents this question, 99% of the time, they say “no”.
We need to remember that children move at “child speed”. And since they don’t do things faster when we try and hurry them, we need to do something different if we want to get them out of the door on time.
One of the simplest changes to make is for everyone to get up 10 minutes earlier (temporarily) on school days so your children can do things at a tempo that is comfortable for them. For example, if your children aren’t yet in the habit of dressing themselves, this will give you time to help teach them how and get them into the habit of doing it themselves. It’s an investment in time now that will save you a lot of time in the future. Plus the more your children are doing for themselves, the more self-reliant and confident they will become.
Another tip for mornings is to sit down with your partner, if you have one, and think about what isn’t working, what is making things rushed and then put new rules or plans in place. For many families it might be having your child lay out her clothes the night before, making sure your child has everything packed in her backpack before bed or for you to make lunches the night before. Anything that can be done ahead will definitely ease morning stress.
And when we are feeling calmer, we can remember to give our children very specific praise (Descriptive Praise) for every tiny step in the right direction, such as, “You’ve already got your underwear and one sock on. You’re almost halfway dressed!” Descriptive Praise will motivate your children to do more and more of the things you need them to do in the mornings.
These morning tips are part of an essential skill we teach called “Preparing for Success”. When you start using these and other Preparing for Success strategies, mornings will become less rushed and less stressful for everyone. Another very important benefit is that your children will leave for school feeling calm and ready for the social and academic challenges that confront them every day on the playground and in the classroom. When mornings become calmer, easier and happier, the whole family benefits.
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