By: Noël Janis-Norton

A Macaroni Kid Reader Asks:

I feel like I end up shouting a lot at my children to get them to listen, especially at the end of the day when I’m exhausted. Once my kids are finally asleep, I often slump on the sofa feeling bad about myself. What can I do to be more patient?

Noël Janis-Norton

Although being a parent can be the most rewarding job you’ll ever have, it is also the most demanding job you’ll ever have! There are several key strategies I’ve been sharing each month with Macaroni Kid readers to help improve listening and cooperation, but there is one strategy I haven’t mentioned that is often overlooked and yet essential for making parenting calmer, easier and happier: “Taking Care of Yourself”.

As a parent, you’ll have much more energy and determination to stay positive and to be consistent if you are taking care of yourself. By positive, I mean friendly, and by consistent, I mean staying true to your values, such as not giving in when you’re being tested by a persistent child! It’s even more difficult to stay consistent if you’re feeling stressed, in a rush a lot of the time or tired. So as much as possible, try to give yourself more time and make sure that you are replenishing your emotional bank account by taking care of yourself.

A lot of stress in modern families comes from rushing and from expecting ourselves to do more, and more quickly, than we realistically can. This often leads to not getting quite enough sleep, to eating on the run, to not getting enough exercise and to even being more susceptible to viruses. When all these stress factors are piling up in our lives, what happens is that as soon as our children start doing something we don’t like, it feels like a much bigger irritant than on the days when we feel calm and rested and sane. Bedtime can be especially problematic because at the end of the day we are exhausted and ready to be done with our children and to have a life of our own!

One way we can Prepare for Success to make it easier for ourselves to be our best is to build time into each day for calm planning, for rest and for fun. If this seems like a daunting proposition, think about it as something you need to do for your children’s sake. Scheduling something fun for yourself will help you be a more positive and consistent parent. So for their sake, schedule in fun, on your own and with your partner, if you have one.

This is so important because being a parent takes a lot out of you. No matter how much we love our children, they do use up a lot of energy and patience. If we let our emotional bank account get low, we won’t have the determination to be positive, firm and consistent. And if you don’t have a partner, plan nights out with friends. Just make sure you’re doing something that’s just for you.

For practical strategies to help your children become first-time listeners, I recommend returning to my earlier columns explaining Descriptive Praise, the most powerful motivator for children and think-throughs, an essential strategy for helping children to remember and follow rules and routines without reminders.


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