Help... My 5-Year-Old Won't Listen!

My five-year-old doesn't listen well to instructions in school. I have tried preparing him each morning about being a good listener, but it doesn't stick. The teachers feel he is behaving badly, but he really gets excited about the activities and just isn't good about the strict rules, i.e. stay in line, etc. I understand he has to comply, but also get it that he is only five. How do I deal with this, and I'm not sure if I am asking about dealing with my son or the school?

Interesting question and a challenge for many parents of five-year-olds. It is difficult for a five-year-old to ‘act his age’ these days which sounds like exactly what he is doing.

Nevertheless, he is in school now and you do want him to be attentive so let’s approach that first:  
Help him practice listening skills at home. You might even tell him how you are trying to help him listen better so you are partnering with him rather than scolding him.  

For example, you might:

• Use a tone of voice that is respectful, calm yet firm.
• Avoid repeating by not giving too many directions at once.
• Clearly state the directions in simple terms with reasonable consequences if they aren't carried out, and then carry out the consequences.
• Prevent confusion by not giving directions in the form of a question or favor unless that is what you mean. I often hear parents say, “Would you like to clean up your toys?”  Why would a child want to do that? Simply say, please clean up your toys.
• Make sure that your child is paying attention when you are giving the instruction and that there are no distractions. If there is a TV on, turn it off as you give instructions.
• If you don't think your child heard or understood, ask him to repeat it back to you so that you can clarify.
• Use positive reinforcement when he carries out your instructions.

Separately, let’s go back to the fact that he is five. You can reward his good behavior by giving him lots of time to be active and enjoying the fun kind of free play five-year-olds need. This doesn’t mean organized sports where he yet again has to listen to adults. Out in the park, riding his bike, flying a kite…you get the picture!


 
Tina Nocera has written for the Parental Wisdom blog since 2006 and wrote a book based on her experiences called Parents Ask, Experts Answer, where she collected expert opinions on a wide range of parenting questions. Tina has a bachelor of arts and master of business administration degrees from Chadwick University. She serves as the director of global e-commerce, strategy, and business development for Toys R Us. She lives in New Jersey with her husband, Mike. Her son, Michael, is serving in the U.S Army, and her daughter, Noelle, works in public relations in New York.