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Explaining Tragedy to Children

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June 2, 2015
Tina Nocera, author of Parents Ask, Experts Answer, responds to your questions.

Question - It's so hard to keep young children away from the news. My six-year-old saw news about the Sandy Hook school shooting and asked me if he was safe. I reassured him, but am concerned that he believed that he really was safe, and quite frankly, I am concerned as well. How can I get past the fear and really comfort my child?


After the tragedy in Sandy Hook, a number of my blog readers wrote in with this very same question. Here is how I responded:

I was driving on Rt. 95 North in Connecticut, shortly after the tragedy, and spotted a billboard that said, ‘Sandy Hook chooses love’. Perhaps that is how we begin to recover, we choose love. So they could begin to heal, the young students of Sandy Hook returned to school to familiar surroundings, thanks to thoughtful and intentional community support. They lit up when they saw their desks, book bags, teachers and friends. Children are wonderfully resilient and always looking for the good in people. They look to love.

There was a deep sadness we feel for the victims’ families because we knew that it wasn’t just this first Christmas they would be missing, but every Christmas, every birthday, every first day of school. There is an emptiness that won’t end for the families.



We’re also filled with fear that this could happen anywhere to anyone. When our children ask if they are safe, how do we honestly respond? How do we confidently send them off to school? I’ve thought about this a lot since the Sandy Hook Elementary school incident happened, and wondered how we could answer these questions for our children and our own peace of mind.

First, I remember something very soothing by Mr. Rogers who suggests we look to the helpers. Fortunately, the good people in the world are in the majority, and there is great comfort in that. Though this speaks to our outlook; having a good frame of mind isn’t enough.

Secondly, and a more proactive approach, we can get involved to make a difference and be part of the solution to make needed changes to laws. This will demonstrate to your children that we are not victims, and can even begin to get them interested in helping others and developing empathy.

Together these ideas, having a positive view of the world, having empathy for those in need, and making a difference where you can, are powerful and healing messages.

Find more of Tina Nocera’s expert tips, tricks and strategies in her new book, Parents Ask, Experts Answer, available at Gryphon House.