Dear Maggie,
Help, my daughter (child) is a bully. We're always reading how to help our kids against bullies but what do we do when ours is the one being the bully?
Dear She’s The Bully,
I’m grabbing your hand right now and giving you my famous Maggie wink. (it’s horrible. I cannot wink for my life -- almost frightening --- but I’m trying for you.) My hand hold is meant to tell you-you're not alone. And my attempt at a wink-- meant to tell you---It’s OK Mumma. We can do this. You’ve courageously shared a personal situation as well as a topic that many might 1. deny 2. hide. 3. sweep under that rug.
Sweeping under the rug is ONLY allowed when the in-laws are headed over for an oh-so-welcome last minute visit!
So...many Maggie claps for you! Now keep that courage train going. Don’t stop until you figure this out. That’s the key.
My overall advice is to seek out assistance. In any format that you can. You will not be able to do this alone and you need to gather all the info your little Mumma hands can hold. Like when you try to carry in all the grocery bags at once. I totally watched you do it. Or when you tried to pile 2 laundry baskets on top of each other because a second trip -- was not an option. You’re gonna need to have this load up- never say die mentality!
Research this topic on the web, seek professional counseling as a family, seek spiritual guidance, seek out friends, work with your school system, look for online groups, read 116 books, go to seminars. Just ...start.
There are many angles to look at and there are professionals out there that can make sure you don’t miss anything while you work to figure this out. Be open, be honest, communicate, develop a plan and remain consistent in that plan until this problem is better.
What I want you to know as a friend while you seek out resources:
This is not written in stone. Our kids are like water. They often mold to other shapes that seem to fit at that time while they develop and try to figure out life. We’ve all done it. This does not mean that your child will forever be this shape but it’s up to you (insert parent powers) to ensure that this particular shape she’s trying out, is no longer an option. Like shoulder pads. Uh-uh. Nope. Not an option.
Be ready for the hard stuff. Parenting is the most intense form of torture out there. It’s your fault, it’s not your fault, someone’s judging you, you judge yourself worse. BUT---you’re used to it by now, right? A seasoned vet. So take a deep breath, steel yourself and get ready to rip it all open and take a look at a lot of things. Be ready to yell-- FINE-- it’s MY fault. It always is anyways, Mumma but--- honestly just be open to it. Because this situation will require that. There is a source for this behavior and you must be willing to find out what it is. It may or may not involve you or your family life. You must be willing to look at it all. This is the part where we do what we always say we’ll do--- throw ourselves on the line for the kiddo.
Don’t be a Maggie. Whatever is happening won’t be an easy fix. It will require dedication, consistency and nerves of steel to follow a path or even many paths----until there is a solution. As a parent looking into my own mirror I will tell you that I am gorgeous, witty and super talented .. of course… wink (ew! Maggie stop! ) and also very ---very--- inconsistent in my parenting. It’s my biggest flaw. I start out with gusto! I do all the research, seek assistance, begin the process, pat myself on the back--- and then over time…... I slowly let things slide. Things are going well and I tune out because 65 other things required me to tune in. The tune… we all sing, huh?
For this situation. Don’t be me! Follow this through--wherever it takes you-- and make the solution you come up with a part of your daily life forever. This could be super simple to fix or this could be complex.
Hugs. From me and from all of us reading. Thank you for sharing and for bringing to light the other side of the “bully free” campaign. We must support our Mumma sisters. I support you. We support you. Now go find answers.
Oodles of xoxos for you!
Maggie
P.S. I’m sorry/not sorry to those I offended about shoulder pads.
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About Maggie: I'm a mom of three, master of none and all of my insights come from experience and personal opinion, so feel free to take what you like and leave what you don't 'cause truthfully, I don't know any more than you do.
