I'm a therapist and a mother of two daughters, ages 14 and 17. I’m also a wife, mom to a precious dog named Colby (who by the way is getting really spoiled and will probably need pet therapy when everything goes back to normal), and a business owner with 18 employees. So I feel your pain during these confusing times. I know firsthand this pandemic has thrown us all for a loop.
How to help young kids navigate this crisis
I've heard from clients who are struggling with how to talk to their kids about this crisis and also in finding their way forward without school and activities to keep kids busy and engaged.
Here's what I recommend:
1. Educate your kids
Explain what's happening in a language that is developmentally appropriate to understand. This cute infographic does a great job explaining coronavirus to young kids. Try to dole out information in small chunks. Our brains can manage small bits of information, but too much information feels scary and puts us on overload.
2. Use kid-friendly language
Explain things in kid-friendly terms. For example: “We can’t see grandma right now because we all need to stay safe. Otherwise, we could get each other sick.” Don't say: “We can’t see grandma because if she catches the virus she could die.” EEEK!
3. Ask questions
Ask your child: How are you feeling? Do you have any questions about what's happening? If you don’t know the answers, then look them up from a reputable source such as the CDC.
4. Be prepared for behavioral changes
Realize that your child may seem OK, but stress might cause regressive behaviors like clinginess and temper tantrums. Children might also complain of a headache or stomachache. All of these are normal reactions given the circumstances, though if those behaviors continue, it can be helpful to reach out to a therapist.
5. Ask for help
You are now a teacher, playmate, and parent. This can be stressful. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. Ask a friend or your child’s classmates' parents to tag team with the online learning. Perhaps one parent excels in math and can help with that subject, while the other parent facilitates a reading group. The possibilities are endless. We need to remember that we are a community. Although physical distancing is here, we can still connect and rely on one another!
6. Find a new routine
We all thrive on a routine. It’s one of the reasons that your kids do so well in school. The same holds true now. A routine doesn't have to be complicated -- baking happens on Mondays, Yoga class is on Fridays, for instance. But routine matters so kids can have an expectation of what's coming next.
7. Take care of yourself!
Self-care is of great importance right now because, and I think we can all agree, when mama’s not happy then no one is happy. You set the tone and are an example to your kids! Stay active, positive, and goal-oriented and your kids will too. And don't feel bad about taking some alone time to yourself every day -- you need it.
Teenagers and the COVID-19 crisis
For our teenagers, much of the above applies, just in teenager terms. The biggest challenge with our teens is they feel invincible! I remember feeling the same way as a teen. They don’t think that anything will happen to them or to you, so they don't understand why they can't see friends. I remember my 17-year-old told me I was overreacting before our governor enacted stay-at-home orders.
Keep in mind teens may be scared, bored, mad -- or all of the above -- so validate their feelings. Your teen is probably complaining, but they have every right to complain because this sucks. Statements such as “I hear you” or “I know” are helpful. Statements such as, “You are lucky you’re healthy” or “Stop complaining” will create tension.
Spend quality time with your teen during this crisis and encourage them to stay in touch with friends using technology. If you see behavior issues developing or increasing, a therapist can help.
Don't be afraid to ask for help
We have seen our clients and their families needing more support than ever due to the current situation. Anxiety and depression are on the rise and will continue to climb due to the current state of affairs. There is help available: Teletherapy (video therapy) or online counseling is now covered by all insurance companies. Some are covering it 100 percent so there is no cost to you.
Lisa Hillman is the founder of Exceptional Wellness Counseling, which has locations in Manalapan and Shrewsbury, N.J., and can be reached at 908-415-2042.
